Over the past three years, we have met many people who ask how they can help a foster or adoptive family. We usually try to mention and idea or two or get them plugged in through BigHouse, but has become apparent to us that there are A LOT of people who would be willing to help these families, they just don't know what to do. We have compiled a list of 10 ways you can minister to foster and adoptive families in your community to try and connect your resources with these families needs.
1. Take them a meal. Simple enough. Provide a meal for a family once, once a month, or even once a week if you are able. Find out what the family's preferences are and cook meals to suit their needs/tastes. Make meals that are easily frozen in case something comes up and they need to eat it later.
2. Pass along hand-me-downs. I am not talking about junk either. I'm talking the nice school clothes, play clothes, and church clothes that your child has out grown. Or bikes still in good shape. Maybe baby toys or bouncers for a family that just got a baby. Things that are in good condition and nice quality. Clothing and toys can be a financial burden on a foster family and passing along your child's nice things can be a simple way to help that family fill in the gaps. At BigHouse, we have a clothing closet that is stocked with donated clothes that are gently used in great condition for our families to shop through for free. We also keep baby items for our families that might get a younger child. But remember- ask the family if they would be interested in receiving your items first, and don't be upset if they can't handle them at that time. We don't want to overwhelm foster families with stuff they don't need.
3. Volunteer to babysit. Get to know the family and see if they need a night off or a weekend away. We have seen families develop relationships with babysitters who would come every other Friday night for free. This gave the babysitters a chance to love on the kids and the parents a night of peace and quiet. If you are interested in babysitting, be prepared to go through the "proper channels". It may mean you need to get fingerprinted and have a background check. Understand if the parents want to build a relationship with you before heading out the door. Not all children do well when left with someone different, and chances are the parents realize that. So be flexible and understanding. Be upfront about wanting to provide this as a ministry to the family, not a paying job.
4. Leave your judgements at the door. If you aren't in their shoes, chances are you don't know what they are going through. We have a tendency as humans to assume we could probably do it better, we would definitely do it differently and they should change how they are doing it. That mentality just isn't helpful here. Grace, empathy, compassion and understanding are all great mindsets to take on when ministering to these families. Their children have sometimes endured things we couldn't imagine and now these families are trying to put together the pieces of these broken little people. Offer an encouraging word, a comforting verse, or just a shoulder to cry.
5. Hang Out! Lots of times when a family becomes a foster family their friends are supportive... from a distance. Sometimes it's fear, sometimes it's the assumption that the family is now too busy or overwhelmed, but these families need their friends. When it's possible, get your kids together and play. Foster children don't have leprosy and don't need to be quarentined from other children. They need to see how healthy families interact. It can also be a great way to start a conversation with your children about foster care and how they can minister to these kids themselves.
6. Cut their grass. Rake their leaves. Weed their flower beds. Help them with the day to day up keep of their yard. These things can fall to the wayside when they are working hard to care for the children in their home.
7. Share your space. You can get the necessary clearances through the state to provide respite for foster families. Or, if you have a vacation home, you can offer it for a foster family for the weekend (or longer). Perhaps you live on property with horses, a creek, a pond, or your neighborhood has a pool - invite them to use what you have access to.
8. Pray for them. If you know a foster parent, find some time to speak with them privately about the concerns and stresses they're facing and ask what you can pray for them. Whether or not you know a foster family personally, you can pray for these things:
- Safety for the children
- Healing for the biological families
- Strength, wisdom, patience, and compassion for foster families
- Energy, wisdom, and rest for foster care workers
- Growth and wholeness for the children in all areas of development
9. Encourage them. A heart-felt note, a phone call to catch up, or other word of appreciation will go a long way in buoying the spirits of foster parents. Find ways to cheer on their kids too, whether it's attending their sporting events, school performances, or asking about their interests.
10. Ask them what you can do. "Let me know if you need anything," sounds nice, but not many people will feel comfortable asking for help. Suggest one of the things listed above, and if they agree to accept your assistance with clothes, meals, etc, follow through! A well-supported family is a much safer, healthier, happier home for any child, and especially those who have been abused or neglected in the past.
