10 Ways to Minister to a Foster or Adoptive Family

Over the past three years, we have met many people who ask how they can help a foster or adoptive family. We usually try to mention and idea or two or get them plugged in through BigHouse, but has become apparent to us that there are A LOT of people who would be willing to help these families, they just don't know what to do. We have compiled a list of 10 ways you can minister to foster and adoptive families in your community to try and connect your resources with these families needs.

1. Take them a meal. Simple enough. Provide a meal for a family once, once a month, or even once a week if you are able. Find out what the family's preferences are and cook meals to suit their needs/tastes. Make meals that are easily frozen in case something comes up and they need to eat it later.

2. Pass along hand-me-downs. I am not talking about junk either. I'm talking the nice school clothes, play clothes, and church clothes that your child has out grown. Or bikes still in good shape. Maybe baby toys or bouncers for a family that just got a baby. Things that are in good condition and nice quality. Clothing and toys can be a financial burden on a foster family and passing along your child's nice things can be a simple way to help that family fill in the gaps. At BigHouse, we have a clothing closet that is stocked with donated clothes that are gently used in great condition for our families to shop through for free. We also keep baby items for our families that might get a younger child. But remember- ask the family if they would be interested in receiving your items first, and don't be upset if they can't handle them at that time. We don't want to overwhelm foster families with stuff they don't need.

3. Volunteer to babysit. Get to know the family and see if they need a night off or a weekend away. We have seen families develop relationships with babysitters who would come every other Friday night for free. This gave the babysitters a chance to love on the kids and the parents a night of peace and quiet. If you are interested in babysitting, be prepared to go through the "proper channels". It may mean you need to get fingerprinted and have a background check. Understand if the parents want to build a relationship with you before heading out the door. Not all children do well when left with someone different, and chances are the parents realize that. So be flexible and understanding. Be upfront about wanting to provide this as a ministry to the family, not a paying job.

4. Leave your judgements at the door. If you aren't in their shoes, chances are you don't know what they are going through. We have a tendency as humans to assume we could probably do it better, we would definitely do it differently and they should change how they are doing it. That mentality just isn't helpful here. Grace, empathy, compassion and understanding are all great mindsets to take on when ministering to these families. Their children have sometimes endured things we couldn't imagine and now these families are trying to put together the pieces of these broken little people. Offer an encouraging word, a comforting verse, or just a shoulder to cry.

5. Hang Out! Lots of times when a family becomes a foster family their friends are supportive... from a distance. Sometimes it's fear, sometimes it's the assumption that the family is now too busy or overwhelmed, but these families need their friends. When it's possible, get your kids together and play. Foster children don't have leprosy and don't need to be quarentined from other children. They need to see how healthy families interact. It can also be a great way to start a conversation with your children about foster care and how they can minister to these kids themselves.

6. Cut their grass. Rake their leaves. Weed their flower beds. Help them with the day to day up keep of their yard. These things can fall to the wayside when they are working hard to care for the children in their home.

7. Share your space. You can get the necessary clearances through the state to provide respite for foster families. Or, if you have a vacation home, you can offer it for a foster family for the weekend (or longer). Perhaps you live on property with horses, a creek, a pond, or your neighborhood has a pool - invite them to use what you have access to.

8. Pray for them. If you know a foster parent, find some time to speak with them privately about the concerns and stresses they're facing and ask what you can pray for them. Whether or not you know a foster family personally, you can pray for these things:

• Safety for the children
• Healing for the biological families
• Strength, wisdom, patience, and compassion for foster families
• Energy, wisdom, and rest for foster care workers
• Growth and wholeness for the children in all areas of development

9. Encourage them. A heart-felt note, a phone call to catch up, or other word of appreciation will go a long way in buoying the spirits of foster parents. Find ways to cheer on their kids too, whether it's attending their sporting events, school performances, or asking about their interests.

10. Ask them what you can do. "Let me know if you need anything," sounds nice, but not many people will feel comfortable asking for help. Suggest one of the things listed above, and if they agree to accept your assistance with clothes, meals, etc, follow through! A well-supported family is a much safer, healthier, happier home for any child, and especially those who have been abused or neglected in the past.

Back-to-School Bash

• $308 - the amount the average child needs for supplies and clothing for a new school year
• 30 - the number of school-age youth in traditional foster families in Lee County
• 4 - the number of hours we need volunteers one Saturday to help with haircuts, shopping, parking, registration, and food service for our Back-to-School Bash

Stock our Clothes Closet

We collect new and gently used children's and teen's clothing throughout the year, but particularly before our Back-to-School Bash we need school-appropriate items such as jeans, shorts, khakis, skirts, long and short sleeve shirts, jackets, shoes, NEW socks and underwear, and accessories. Here are some specific gaps:

Girls' Size 6 - Shirts

Girls' Size 7 - Shirts, Shorts, Skirts

Girls' Size 8 - Shorts

Girls' Size 12 (Large) - Shirts, Shorts, Skirts

Girls' Size 16 (XL) - Jeans

Junior/Misses Size XS - Shirts

Junior/Misses Size XL - Shirts

Juniors' Size 1 (Women's 0 - 2) - Jeans

Juniors' Size 13 and up (Women's 14 and up) - Jeans

Boys' Size 5T/5 - Jeans

Boys' Size 6 - Jeans

Boys' Size 7 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' Size 8 - Shorts

Boys' 10 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' 12 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' 14 and up - Shirts, Jeans, Shorts

Mens' Small - Shirts

Mens' Small and Up - Shorts, Jeans

Donate School Supplies

In order of priority:

- Composition books

- Graph paper

- Pencil sharpeners (that collect shavings)

- Mechanical pencils and lead

- School boxes

- Pencil pouches (zippered, for 3-ring binder)

- 3"x5" index cards

- Clear plastic backpacks

- Mesh backpacks

- Colored pencils (12 count)

- Washable markers (10 count)

- Crayons (24 count)

- 1-subject spiral notebooks (wide and college rule)

- White copy paper

- Protractors/compasses/rulers

- Pocket folders with brads

- Loose-leaf notebook paper (wide and college rule)

- Black/blue/red pens

- 1" - 3" binders

- Glue sticks/white glue

- No. 2 pencils

- Highlighters

- Correction tape

- Basic and scientific calculators

Volunteer

Can you cut or braid hair? Would you like to drop off cookies, brownies, chips or drinks to serve our guests? Are you available from 9am - 1pm on Saturday, July 28th and want to assist with registration, shopping, parking or entertaining? WE NEED YOU! Email us at bighouse@ourbighouse.org or call (334) 363-2634. 

Family Night Out

This summer we're offering Family Night Out in lieu of our monthly Kids' Night Out respite events that we have during the school year. In June, we invited the families to join us at the skate center for the evening. It was a great opportunity for our summer interns to bond with the kids.

For our July event, we hosted a cookout at BigHouse prior to the annual fireworks display put on by the City of Opelika. We had over 80 attendees! We feasted on hotdogs, hamburgers, watermelon, cupcakes, homemade ice cream, and more. The parents enjoyed talking with one another while the kids played together in the backyard. From our building, we had just a short walk to view the fireworks show. We hope to make this an annual event.

A dose of reality...

I got a little dose of reality today.

I came across some statistics from an organization on the west coast that helps foster care youth who are aging out. Aging out means they are turning 18 and going to be considered a legal adult, so they no longer need (or usually want) to be in foster care. At first glance (a very quick glance) this seems like a good thing- they have "made it " to adulthood and can finally take care of themselves. Yeah, right. In reality, many times this is the beginning of a long and painful road to adulthood. One filled with homelessness, hunger, mental health problems, unplanned pregnancy, lack of education, and lack of job opportunities. The options are few and the issues are many for a teen trying to make it on their own. Please go read the statistics for yourself here!

I wish I were writing this blog post because BigHouse was launching some amazing new program to change these kids lives and put an end to the depressing list above. I'm not. I honestly don't know what to do to help these teens. I mean, I had the financial, emotional and physical support of my family until marriage, and even after in some ways, so what do I know about "making it" on my own at 18. I don't know what the right thing to say to teens in this or facing this is. BUT I do know that I can pray for them and God can meet those needs. So I'd like to ask you to join me in that. Not in doing yet, but in praying.

Pray for their safety.
Pray for their protection.
Pray for their comfort.
Pray for their provision.
Pray for their spiritual, emotional, mental and physical being.
Pray for their decision making.
Pray for their resistance to unhealthy habits, places and people.
Pray for their opportunities.
Pray for their salvation.

Also, pray for BigHouse, our community and yourself... how can we respond to this? How can we meet these needs and point these teens back to Christ?

Pray for wisdom for all of those who come into contact with these teens or make decisions on their behalf: judges, social workers, teachers, employers, land lords, doctors and government leaders.

Pray... and then if the Lord moves you to action, respond.

Eph. 3:20-21

-micah

Just a little background...

I was recently asked by a friend to tell her a little about BigHouse for a magazine article she is writing. I thought I would share my thoughts with you all as well...

In January of 2007 my parents became foster parents. I was a junior in college and even though I wasn't living at home, it really impacted me as well. They took in 5 children total, a group of siblings, and they were all completely overwhelmed. My parents had a lot of friends and family that were able to help meet the needs of the kids in their home. They had friends that would pass on their daughter's hand-me-downs, they had girls who volunteered to babysit, people willing to help tutor and their Sunday school built them a huge playground in their backyard. I was able to see that when the body of Christ knew the needs of foster children and the family caring for them, they were willing and able to help. During the spring of 2008, God really began to give me a passion for children in foster care. I had grown to know and love the kids in my parents home, and realized that they were just regular kids who wanted to be loved and cherished. I was also challenged at a college worship service to begin to pray that God would reveal whose feet I should wash with my life. Who was my "people-group" that I should serve with my life? I have a distinct memory of walking across campus and calling my mom to tell her I knew who my people group was - it was foster children. It is the invisible, forgotten and often tossed aside children that are truly America's orphans. I began to pray that God would show me how to serve these children and the families that care for them. While talking with a close friend a couple months later, I shared with her some of the startling statistics about children and their experience in foster care, and how I knew there had to be something we could do. She said "Foster children need an organization like Make a Wish" and that was when God really gave me a vision for BigHouse. Foster children needed the opportunity to experience childhood like other children. They needed to have opportunities and experiences that many of us took for granted growing up. Going to camp or on vacations, picking out your school clothes or birthday present, taking art, dance classes or playing sports, etc. However, I knew from personal experience with my family it is hard for their foster families to provide these opportunities on their own.They need help. And our community needs to be responding. So BigHouse was born to meet the needs and improve the quality of life for children in foster care through support from the community. Our mission statement is "Connecting the needs of foster families with the generosity of the community through the love of Jesus Christ." At the end of the day, we just want our kids, parents, and volunteers to know that Jesus knows them, loves them, cares for them, and has a plan for them.

To say I did anything special to make BigHouse go from a dream to a reality would be incorrect- God has taken care of BigHouse EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Even when I make human mistakes and wrong decisions, He has worked it out for His good and glory. He has opened every door, even doors that we weren't aware needed to be opened. He has allowed other people's hearts to be moved by the reality of foster care and what these children face and they in turn have supported BigHouse. The last three years have truly been a testament to God's grace and faithfulness. He has taken BigHouse from a big dream to a big reality.

We have a lot of different programs at BigHouse and we are always trying to find ways to serve our families better. Right now, we are knee deep in towels for our 2012 Statewide Swimsuit and Towel Drive. We have collected new swimsuits and new towels for 3000 foster children in our state and we have each towel embroidered with the child's name. This drive is a huge undertaking, we will probably embroider about 1500 towels ourselves, but it is so important to our kids. Many of the children we serve have very little they can call their own, much less something with their name on it - made especially for them. In each bag, we include the swimsuit, towel, and a card from BigHouse. The card says that not only is that child loved by their community, they are loved unconditionally by a Heavenly Father and He has a plan for their life. 

During the year, we also have a fully-stocked clothes closet for children to come and shop in for free. It takes up the 2nd floor of our building, and we have everything from preemie onesies to teen clothes. We want our kids to feel comfortable in what they wear and proud to wear their clothes to school or church. We also have a birthday club for our kids, we send each child a card the month of their birthday with a certificate to come to our birthday closet and pick out a gift. We have tons of new toys, games and gift cards for the kids to choose from. 

We also try to meet the needs of our foster parents with our Kids' Night Out program. Each month we have a respite night for our families, we provide dinner and entertainment for the kids while the parents get the evening off, for free. This is a very popular event for our families because many of our parents just need a little time off to reconnect with each other. We also have day camps during the Summer, a beach trip in the Fall, and other special events throughout the year.

We have found that many people are excited to help a foster family when they know how. We understand that not every family is called to be foster parents, but we have ALL been called to care for the orphan (James 1:27). The 400,000 foster children in America are America's orphans, with over 120,000 waiting to be adopted by a forever family. Instead of turning a blind eye to foster children, we need to be embracing them, loving them, and showing them the love of Christ. We often get asked how someone can help foster children. The best answer is support their foster family. Love on those who are sacrificing their lives to care for these kids. IT IS NOT EASY. Take them meals, cut their grass, offer to babysit (for free!), pass on nice hand-me-downs, and include the family and kids in activities. Invite them to the lake or over to cook-out. Give them your passes to a football game or offer the parents a weekend at your condo. Or, if you have an organization like BigHouse in your community, volunteer there or support them financially. Just don't sit back and do nothing. We have been called to this! :)

Here is a note from Saddleback church's orphan care ministry that has some good stats!
org https://www.facebook.com/notes/orphans-and-the-church/the-american-orphan/155263781164493

www.ourbighouse.org

"Attempt something so great for God that if He isn't in it, it is doomed to fail."

I'm not sure where I heard this, but I know I've heard it said many times. This is exactly where we are with our Statewide Swimsuit and Towel Drive. We are attempting to provide over 2800 of Alabama's foster children with a new swimsuit and towel embroidered with their name this spring. In each bag there is a card from BigHouse that tells the children not only are they loved by their community, they are loved unconditionally by a Heavenly Father. Our goal is to provide these children with a gift that has been made just for them, to show them how special they are to Him!

We know we can't do this alone. We need others to stand with us and support this drive. Not only do we still need donations, we need help from embroiderers. We need people who will commit to helping us make these towels so special for these children. We have heard over and over from different families how many of these children have NEVER had something with their name on it- NEVER had something that was made especially for them- maybe even NEVER had something that they could call their own.

I think most of us would admit that we don't know what it feels like to not have something that is our own. Something that no one else in the world can claim. I know growing up I had a blankie, clothes, toys, a bed, a bike, dolls, money, a car, and much more that I could call mine. Although I did share a lot with my siblings, there were things at my home with MY name on them. It is hard to imagine living in someone else's house, sleeping in someone else's bed, playing with someone else's toys, just waiting to be someone else's foster child. Their lives can be difficult to imagine and although we have wonderful foster parents who do their best to make these children feel comfortable and at home, it still isn't their home. These kids face issues of fear, confusion, disappointment, loss, grief, anger, and separation that most of us have never known. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to know how to help.

Sometimes it's easier to just ignore the issue of foster care all together and hope it goes away or hope you are never confronted with just how hard life can be for these kids. I'll admit, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the whole system and just want to forget about it. I don't want to lay in my bed at night and think about how over 500,000 children in the US are sleeping in a bed that is not their own tonight. I don't want to think about how there are close to 120,000 waiting to find a forever home. I don't want to think about the foster parents who, at that very moment, are holding, rocking, patting, or singing a crying child to sleep because that child feels scared and alone. BUT I do. I have to. Not because I am a good person, but because God is a GREAT God and he has given me a passion for children in foster care. And I am not alone. He has pressed the call of the foster child into more hearts than mine; into my husband Blake's, into our friend and BigHouse staffer Susannah's, into my parents, into families across our community who are doing foster care, into local churches, into area business owner's, and I believe into MANY more who have not yet answered the call. Some of those being called may be called to be foster parents, but the majority of us are not. We are not off the hook- we are called to be supporting those families and children ANY WAY WE CAN. We are the body of Christ and we need to wrap His arms around these families and kids and love on them.

How can we do this? How can we live out James 1:27 in America today? How can you, the average, hardworking citizen make a difference in the life of a foster child? You can start small. You can start with a swimsuit and embroidered towel. You can start by donating $25 to sponsor one child in this drive. You can make sure that one more child will receive something with their name on it, something they can call their own, something that tells them they are special. But you can, of course, do more than that. You can donate $100 for four children, or $1000 for 40 children. You can donate new towels or swimsuits. You can embroider towels with your machine. You can donate your machine to BigHouse for a week, a month, or forever. You can buy BigHouse another machine so we can do 2x as many next year. You can donate clothes to our clothes closet. You can donate new toys and gift cards for our birthday club. You can volunteer for our Kids' Night Outs. You can pay our rent for a month(or a year). You can volunteer to tutor. You can help us with quickbooks. You can donate a car, boat, motor home, trailer, etc. You can sponsor a family for our beach trip. You can come and clean our building. You can buy a t-shirt. You can do a lot or a little to help. But you can do something.

Pray about where you fit in the foster care system. Are you being called to be a foster family? Let us know and we can help you get connected to more resources. Want to support those already fostering? Call us, email us, come by, facebook us, tweet us, JUST GET IN TOUCH. We NEED you!

Want to know more about BigHouse- check out our website- www.ourbighouse.org.

Please don't quiet the call. Your life will be blessed.

-Micah Melnick
Founder and Director of BigHouse Foundation