Serving Well

The Conflict

When you are exposed to someone else’s need, you have a choice – to respond or ignore. There are consequences either way. If you respond – you will make some kind of impact on the other person (positive or negative), you will be held accountable for your actions, and you will open yourself up to respond to more needs. If you ignore – you will have to figure out a way to go on living like you did before you were made aware of the need, you will be held accountable for your inaction, and you will try to protect yourself from those who are needy.

As Christians we are commanded to respond.

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. (James 4:17)

But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? (1 John 3:17)

“For the poor will never cease to be in the land, therefore I command you saying, ‘You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and your poor in your land.’” (Deuteronomy 15:11)

Pressure.

At BigHouse, our hearts are stirred and broken by the needs of foster children. The more we know, the more helpless we feel to adequately meet their many physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. We will be the first to tell you we do not feel qualified to do what it takes to help them. There is a constant pressure to do more – for those we are already serving in some way, to minister in other ways; and for those we do not yet know, to find a way to reach them. We want to serve.

Fear.

Our pride constrains us from taking on tasks that do not look attainable. Our self-dependency blinds us to the all-sufficient provision of our Almighty God. We can be consumed by the worries of “What if?”s. What if we don’t have what it takes? What if this isn’t the right time? What if we pour our energy and resources into this and it fails? We want to succeed.

Urgency.

Foster care is a whirlwind. Here today, gone tomorrow. The longer they wait, the longer it will take to recover. The more homes they live in, the less likely they are to build meaningful attachments. The older they are, the closer they get to “aging out” and facing the world on their own.  Social workers, foster families, teachers, and caregivers all float in and out of their lives without much explanation. We want to stabilize.

The Remedy

Humility.

I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me. (Psalm 57:2) We are dependent on God for our very life and breath, so surely we must depend on Him to do the work He’s called us to. It is foolish and sinful to try to do it on our own.

Faith.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) We believe God’s Word, and He says that He hears the cry of the orphan, and that He knows what we need before we ask Him, and that He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Love.

[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8) Love is not the giving of gifts, or clothes, or time. Rather, it is the motivator behind our every action. If we continue to run programs and host events and build relationships, but do not sincerely and sacrificially love the people we are doing it for, we are laboring in vain.

Our Prayer:

Father, thank You for holding the world in Your hands. Thank You for loving us and saving us from sin and death. Thank You for giving us life and purpose through Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for sending Your Helper, Your precious Holy Spirit, to guide and teach us. Thank You for giving us everything we need for life and godliness. Lord, the needs around us are great, but You are greater! Help us to obey Your commands to love You and love others with everything that we have. Forgive us for trying to do it on our own. Forgive us for ignoring the needy. Forgive us for being self-focused. Please use us to do your work. We give all that we have, and all that we are to You, for Your glory. In the victorious name of Christ Jesus we ask these things, amen. 

Ready for school!

On Saturday, July 28th, we hosted our annual Back-to-School Bash in conjunction with DHR's foster care unit and Lee County Foster and Adoptive Parent Association. We had over 60 school-age kids receive a total of 874 school supplies and 359 items from our Clothes Closet. Several also got a trim from a hairstylist who volunteered. Toiletry kits that had been given to DHR were also distributed. All of these necessities were provided for free thanks to the generosity of our community!

(Most kids received 15 school items and were allowed to select 10 clothing items.)

(Average haircut cost: $20 - thanks, Amber, for donating your time and talent for our kids!)

(DHR, LCFAPA, and BigHouse supporters provided a hot dog lunch for all the attendees.)

(As a special project, we invited everyone to paint their hand print on our new shed wall completed by AUMC's Sweat Week work crew.)

We collect school supplies throughout the year that can be given to kids that come into foster care (many times with only a few personal belongings). We also keep our Clothes Closet stocked with new and gently used kids' and teens' clothing. Donations can be dropped off at 211 Samford Ave. in Opelika from 9-5, Monday - Thursday or after-hours in our donation box in the parking lot.

10 Ways to Minister to a Foster or Adoptive Family

Over the past three years, we have met many people who ask how they can help a foster or adoptive family. We usually try to mention and idea or two or get them plugged in through BigHouse, but has become apparent to us that there are A LOT of people who would be willing to help these families, they just don't know what to do. We have compiled a list of 10 ways you can minister to foster and adoptive families in your community to try and connect your resources with these families needs.

1. Take them a meal. Simple enough. Provide a meal for a family once, once a month, or even once a week if you are able. Find out what the family's preferences are and cook meals to suit their needs/tastes. Make meals that are easily frozen in case something comes up and they need to eat it later.

2. Pass along hand-me-downs. I am not talking about junk either. I'm talking the nice school clothes, play clothes, and church clothes that your child has out grown. Or bikes still in good shape. Maybe baby toys or bouncers for a family that just got a baby. Things that are in good condition and nice quality. Clothing and toys can be a financial burden on a foster family and passing along your child's nice things can be a simple way to help that family fill in the gaps. At BigHouse, we have a clothing closet that is stocked with donated clothes that are gently used in great condition for our families to shop through for free. We also keep baby items for our families that might get a younger child. But remember- ask the family if they would be interested in receiving your items first, and don't be upset if they can't handle them at that time. We don't want to overwhelm foster families with stuff they don't need.

3. Volunteer to babysit. Get to know the family and see if they need a night off or a weekend away. We have seen families develop relationships with babysitters who would come every other Friday night for free. This gave the babysitters a chance to love on the kids and the parents a night of peace and quiet. If you are interested in babysitting, be prepared to go through the "proper channels". It may mean you need to get fingerprinted and have a background check. Understand if the parents want to build a relationship with you before heading out the door. Not all children do well when left with someone different, and chances are the parents realize that. So be flexible and understanding. Be upfront about wanting to provide this as a ministry to the family, not a paying job.

4. Leave your judgements at the door. If you aren't in their shoes, chances are you don't know what they are going through. We have a tendency as humans to assume we could probably do it better, we would definitely do it differently and they should change how they are doing it. That mentality just isn't helpful here. Grace, empathy, compassion and understanding are all great mindsets to take on when ministering to these families. Their children have sometimes endured things we couldn't imagine and now these families are trying to put together the pieces of these broken little people. Offer an encouraging word, a comforting verse, or just a shoulder to cry.

5. Hang Out! Lots of times when a family becomes a foster family their friends are supportive... from a distance. Sometimes it's fear, sometimes it's the assumption that the family is now too busy or overwhelmed, but these families need their friends. When it's possible, get your kids together and play. Foster children don't have leprosy and don't need to be quarentined from other children. They need to see how healthy families interact. It can also be a great way to start a conversation with your children about foster care and how they can minister to these kids themselves.

6. Cut their grass. Rake their leaves. Weed their flower beds. Help them with the day to day up keep of their yard. These things can fall to the wayside when they are working hard to care for the children in their home.

7. Share your space. You can get the necessary clearances through the state to provide respite for foster families. Or, if you have a vacation home, you can offer it for a foster family for the weekend (or longer). Perhaps you live on property with horses, a creek, a pond, or your neighborhood has a pool - invite them to use what you have access to.

8. Pray for them. If you know a foster parent, find some time to speak with them privately about the concerns and stresses they're facing and ask what you can pray for them. Whether or not you know a foster family personally, you can pray for these things:

• Safety for the children
• Healing for the biological families
• Strength, wisdom, patience, and compassion for foster families
• Energy, wisdom, and rest for foster care workers
• Growth and wholeness for the children in all areas of development

9. Encourage them. A heart-felt note, a phone call to catch up, or other word of appreciation will go a long way in buoying the spirits of foster parents. Find ways to cheer on their kids too, whether it's attending their sporting events, school performances, or asking about their interests.

10. Ask them what you can do. "Let me know if you need anything," sounds nice, but not many people will feel comfortable asking for help. Suggest one of the things listed above, and if they agree to accept your assistance with clothes, meals, etc, follow through! A well-supported family is a much safer, healthier, happier home for any child, and especially those who have been abused or neglected in the past.

Back-to-School Bash

• $308 - the amount the average child needs for supplies and clothing for a new school year
• 30 - the number of school-age youth in traditional foster families in Lee County
• 4 - the number of hours we need volunteers one Saturday to help with haircuts, shopping, parking, registration, and food service for our Back-to-School Bash

Stock our Clothes Closet

We collect new and gently used children's and teen's clothing throughout the year, but particularly before our Back-to-School Bash we need school-appropriate items such as jeans, shorts, khakis, skirts, long and short sleeve shirts, jackets, shoes, NEW socks and underwear, and accessories. Here are some specific gaps:

Girls' Size 6 - Shirts

Girls' Size 7 - Shirts, Shorts, Skirts

Girls' Size 8 - Shorts

Girls' Size 12 (Large) - Shirts, Shorts, Skirts

Girls' Size 16 (XL) - Jeans

Junior/Misses Size XS - Shirts

Junior/Misses Size XL - Shirts

Juniors' Size 1 (Women's 0 - 2) - Jeans

Juniors' Size 13 and up (Women's 14 and up) - Jeans

Boys' Size 5T/5 - Jeans

Boys' Size 6 - Jeans

Boys' Size 7 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' Size 8 - Shorts

Boys' 10 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' 12 - Shirts, Shorts

Boys' 14 and up - Shirts, Jeans, Shorts

Mens' Small - Shirts

Mens' Small and Up - Shorts, Jeans

Donate School Supplies

In order of priority:

- Composition books

- Graph paper

- Pencil sharpeners (that collect shavings)

- Mechanical pencils and lead

- School boxes

- Pencil pouches (zippered, for 3-ring binder)

- 3"x5" index cards

- Clear plastic backpacks

- Mesh backpacks

- Colored pencils (12 count)

- Washable markers (10 count)

- Crayons (24 count)

- 1-subject spiral notebooks (wide and college rule)

- White copy paper

- Protractors/compasses/rulers

- Pocket folders with brads

- Loose-leaf notebook paper (wide and college rule)

- Black/blue/red pens

- 1" - 3" binders

- Glue sticks/white glue

- No. 2 pencils

- Highlighters

- Correction tape

- Basic and scientific calculators

Volunteer

Can you cut or braid hair? Would you like to drop off cookies, brownies, chips or drinks to serve our guests? Are you available from 9am - 1pm on Saturday, July 28th and want to assist with registration, shopping, parking or entertaining? WE NEED YOU! Email us at bighouse@ourbighouse.org or call (334) 363-2634. 

Family Night Out

This summer we're offering Family Night Out in lieu of our monthly Kids' Night Out respite events that we have during the school year. In June, we invited the families to join us at the skate center for the evening. It was a great opportunity for our summer interns to bond with the kids.

For our July event, we hosted a cookout at BigHouse prior to the annual fireworks display put on by the City of Opelika. We had over 80 attendees! We feasted on hotdogs, hamburgers, watermelon, cupcakes, homemade ice cream, and more. The parents enjoyed talking with one another while the kids played together in the backyard. From our building, we had just a short walk to view the fireworks show. We hope to make this an annual event.

A dose of reality...

I got a little dose of reality today.

I came across some statistics from an organization on the west coast that helps foster care youth who are aging out. Aging out means they are turning 18 and going to be considered a legal adult, so they no longer need (or usually want) to be in foster care. At first glance (a very quick glance) this seems like a good thing- they have "made it " to adulthood and can finally take care of themselves. Yeah, right. In reality, many times this is the beginning of a long and painful road to adulthood. One filled with homelessness, hunger, mental health problems, unplanned pregnancy, lack of education, and lack of job opportunities. The options are few and the issues are many for a teen trying to make it on their own. Please go read the statistics for yourself here!

I wish I were writing this blog post because BigHouse was launching some amazing new program to change these kids lives and put an end to the depressing list above. I'm not. I honestly don't know what to do to help these teens. I mean, I had the financial, emotional and physical support of my family until marriage, and even after in some ways, so what do I know about "making it" on my own at 18. I don't know what the right thing to say to teens in this or facing this is. BUT I do know that I can pray for them and God can meet those needs. So I'd like to ask you to join me in that. Not in doing yet, but in praying.

Pray for their safety.
Pray for their protection.
Pray for their comfort.
Pray for their provision.
Pray for their spiritual, emotional, mental and physical being.
Pray for their decision making.
Pray for their resistance to unhealthy habits, places and people.
Pray for their opportunities.
Pray for their salvation.

Also, pray for BigHouse, our community and yourself... how can we respond to this? How can we meet these needs and point these teens back to Christ?

Pray for wisdom for all of those who come into contact with these teens or make decisions on their behalf: judges, social workers, teachers, employers, land lords, doctors and government leaders.

Pray... and then if the Lord moves you to action, respond.

Eph. 3:20-21

-micah